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Ben
15 August 2008 @ 12:40 am
TBC: Consider me to be a taser jolt to the base of your spine...  
Considering I had a bit of a hiss-e fit (geddit? It's like "hissy" and "e" as in "e-mail"...Nothing? Tough crowd...) last time, I've decided not to come crawling back, but to come marching back with renewed vigour in my heart and a bottle of whiskey in my hand.

So, what's been going on in Benland? Not much to be honest, just chilling out and keeping myself entertained. Mike came round a week or so ago to talk bollocks and watch films with me so that was cool. It's weird, when you don't see your friends for a while, you almost forget you like them- if that makes sense.Then you meet up and things are good again, like you only saw them the other day. 'Course none of this happened with Mike- five minutes in and I was scanning the room for something to hit him with (kidding).

I have noticed that MySpace and to a lesser extent, Facebook are a bit dead of late. I don't know whether that's because I haven't spent every five minutes refreshing my profile page to check for comments etc or not... So, here I am, imploring you to liven this place up. You have the power. How you ask? I dunno, but you can't go wrong with updating your blogs and commenting on mine (I'll comment back if neccessary...)

I watched "Cloverfield" again today and ended up feeling a bit sick. It was probably because of the fact that I'd had nothing to eat all day and very little to drink, rather than the erratic camera. Gave me an idea though. I shall set up "DizzyFest" in which the whole day is devoted to vomit inducing activities such as drinking heavily, spinning around and watching films that look like they've been filmed by Michael J. Fox. (i.e. The Bourne films, Cloverfield, The Blair Witch Project etc) Last one to puke wins! The prize? A bucket of the other contestants' puke...

Peace out people,

Ben "My head is spinnin'/Like a whirlpool it never ends" Browne
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Current Location: Abergavenny
Current Mood: awake
Currently watching/ playing: Cloverfield (2008)
 
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Ben
21 July 2008 @ 08:13 pm
TBC: "Things that annoy me" Part 7 bajillion  
Believe it or not, I am still a miserable bugger who likes complaining about stuff. Shocked? Then get the hell away from my blog you simpleton, lest your stupidity catch.

1) American kids- Oh yes, they're back at the top of Benjamin J's shitlist. Why? Well, I am sick to death of these spoilt brats thinking they can fuck with my day when I'm playing the Xbox. I play the Xbox to chill out. I don't need some 13 year old Yank telling me that I'm a "fag" or implying that I have bad teeth.

 This is all because it states I'm British on my profile and my accent seems to live up to their expectations of some kind of British toff. I have no idea where the teeth thing comes from so if someone could explain it to me that would be great.

I actually got told by a 12 year old (whilst playing the 18-rated Gears of War) to stop playing a kid's game and go kill myself. I snappily implied that he was only angry because he is regularly rectally fingered by a close family member and needs to vent all the sheer horror and guilt. I didn't get a reponse.

2)  British kids - They are everywhere. (Ignore the fact that I live in Great Britain, I simply wanted a sort of theme linked to the first one. You've ruined it now. Hope you're happy) I basically mean kids in general. I went to Tesco today and there was an entire army of ankle-biters. Trouble is, they aren't very good at dodging my manly knees and I had to be extra careful not to damage any of them. Take into account that I am about as graceful as a one legged giraffe and you have a recipie for disaster.

3) 'The Dark Knight' hype- I will go out on a limb and say that no-one is more excited than me about the new film. However, I am so over the hype. It's ridiculous. Everywhere I look it's Batman this, Joker that. I don't want to be sick of the film before I actually see the freakin' thing! Speaking of which I am sick of the 'Joker scrawl' idea- exemplified here. It's a great idea but it's being lazily copied for film magazines and the like. This month's SFX is a prime example of how not to do it . Maybe it's because I live and breathe films, but I hate films being near release date and then shouted about like they're new on things like BBC News. Go back in time a couple of months to when I might have cared.

Sure, number 3 is sort of shallow when compared to the first two, but in this crazy, crazy world- what isn't shallow? Sounds harsh but people seem to care more about what's happening in "D- list Celebrity Degenerate Lock-up" aka "Big Brother" than the credit crunch and knife crime. Hey, at least I'm aware of that stuff...

Peace out people,

Ben "Why so serious?" Browne

BENJY BONUS!
Here are some of the blog outtakes. Try and guess where they originally appeared...

"...but I did hear a squelching noise"
"... and that's why I am no longer welcome at any midget convention. Seriously, they have pictures of me on the wall. Of course, it is a rather small wall..."
"At least it's better than a cheap hairdryer"
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Current Location: Tesco- the Gotham City branch
Current Mood: mellow
Currently watching/ playing: Hellboy (2004)
 
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Ben
21 July 2008 @ 12:08 am
TBC: Benjamin's adventures in TVLand  
I know I moan a lot that nothing ever happens, but I had an epiphany today. After calling the doctor to make sure it wasn't serious, I concentrated on what said epiphany was telling me. "If nothing happens, make stuff happen" it boomed in a James Earl Jones voice. After pondering why my conscience seems to speak in a Darth Vader voice, I decided to ignore all that and watch some telly.

 I hardly ever watch T.V. these days. There's just too much crap on. If I really want to watch something I'll find it on the iPlayer or failing that, by some other means. So, I decided to watch a channel I've never watched and try and stick with the programs no matter how crappy. I ended up watching "Zone:Reality" who were halfway through their "Super Spooky Sunday" marathon. With some trepidation I placed the remote out of reach and set myself at the mercy of "Ghost Hunt". It wasn't that bad! I've come across shows like this before, but they tend to be unbelievably shite *ahem* Most Haunted *ahem*. It's basically a team of 3 New Zealanders visting all the haunted locations around in New Zealand and then try to you guessed it- hunt ghosts. It's fascinating and yes, I was a bit scared even though it was 1 p.m. and the sun was shining outside.

 Now, before you ask- yep, I am a big wimp. I don't believe in ghosts but something about the unknown creeps me out. Unfortunately the supernatural/paranormal world has always fascinated me and I remember renting books about "true" ghost sightings and being freaked out by the stories and photographs. Before I knew it, I had sat through 4 hours of "Ghost Hunt" and realised I should be doing something better with my life. Where does the time go when you're learning about ghostly orbs?

Peace out,

Ben "I ain't afraid of no ghosts" Browne
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Current Location: Behind the sofa
Current Mood: lazy
Currently watching/ playing: Ghost Hunt, duh!
 
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Ben
27 June 2008 @ 03:19 pm
The Young Benjamin Browne Chronicles  
After undertaking the mammoth task of tidying my room, I found a time capsule. Well, a notebook from 1997. In contains the thoughts and scrawlings of an 11 year old Benjamin Jack Browne. Scary, no? Not only does it contain the start of a personal diary (ended after 3 days due to author boredom) but also the opening chapter to my James Bond novel. It's gripping stuff. I will now type verbatim what is in the notebook.

"Killing Time"
by
Ben Browne


Chapter 1: Symbolic Warning

The rain steadily beat down on the windows at MI6 HQ. Bond looked up from his desk and surveyed the night sky outside. He stood up and slowly walked towards the window, seeing his reflection mimicing his actions. James Bond looked over the River Thames to the busy roads. Cars in a queue, headlights blazing and horns blaring occupied the road. Bond hated the road in London but most of all he hated being stuck at the office, sat at his computer for hours on end.

As he focussed on his reflection, he could see something else reflected too. A little red light was flashing behind him. He spun round to see his office phone's light flash on and off. He walked to his desk and looked at the label next to the light. In small, blue ink it read "Moneypenny". "Odd" thought Bond and picked up the handset. "Bond here" he said. "James?" Moneypenny said softly. "James, something's happened" she said anxiuosly. "What?" said Bond. "Come to M's office" she said. Bond hung up.

Bond navigated the corridors quickly, dodging many people. When he arrived, Moneypenny said "Go right in". Bond opened the door. First thing he noticed was the atmosphere was tense. "Sit down, 007" M said. "008 is dead" she said."How?" Bond asked sadly. "He died of asthphixa...(Author's note: I believe I was trying to spell "Asphyxiation" but I seem to have given up halfway through) she said. "Strangled". "He was in Tokyo on the Yakuza mission- local authorities found the body half an hour ago-he had this carved into his chest" she handed Bond a small piece of card with a Japanese symbol on it. "Do you know what it means, 007?" Bond muttered "Death". "It's as we feared 007, the Reapers are back" she said."


I'm still awaiting the call to be the next Bond author. Also yes, the spelling mistakes have been left uncorrected. Everyone makes mistoikes.



"Peace out people" Browne said.
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Current Location: Abergavenny
Current Mood: amused
Currently watching/ playing: Rambo (2008)
 
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Ben
16 June 2008 @ 03:16 am
TBC: Bumper Buster Party Weekend Central Special!  
It's been busy, busy, busy this weekend. Not that I've had anything to do with it. I've mostly been in bed- I'm damn lazy. Anyways- it was Mum's birthday on Saturday and it mostly went off without a hitch. Of course- there had to be a hitch because I was involved somehow. I'm what's commonly referred to as a "liability". So how did ol' Benjamin J. manage to screw things up?

 Well, Mum arrived home after a trip to the garden centre. Her friend Donna bought her a lovely hanging basket for a birthday present (I'm sure you can see where this is going). After carefully lifting it from the car's footwell, Mum handed it to me to hang up outside. I took a few steps, lifted it up and it fell. I would love to say it was one of those slow-motion moments,where I have a heightened awareness of everything and that I leapt into the air in a vain effort to catch it.It wasn't. It happened so damn fast. Before I knew it, there was dirt and petals everywhere. I spun round just in time to see Mum's heartbroken face. (That sounds weird. Let's just say it was obvious that she was heartbroken by the look on her face). Happy birthday, Mum (!) All was forgiven though. After all, it was cleverly engineered to look like an accident because I wanted revenge a genuine accident. Still feel guilty, though.

Sunday was Father's Day. Whilst we didn't completely buy into the merchandising and shameless consumerism of it, we did have my Grandad over for a lunch-y type thing. It was nice. I normally try to avoid using the word "nice" but that's actually what it was. It was peaceful, sunny, family-orientated, lunch-type day. It's comforting to know my family aren't completely fucking nuts all the time.


Peace out.
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Current Location: Abergavenny
Current Mood: calm
Currently watching/ playing: 300 (2006)
 
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Ben
13 June 2008 @ 10:38 pm
The Benjamin Chronicles: Now with 50% more venom! (and 20% more misanthropy!)  
Yes, it's spleen venting, gut-wrenching rant time. It takes a while before these things build up and become a vitriolic entry of bile.  So be thankful/grateful/cakeful- I don't care.

Ah, much better.

Peace out people- hope your days are filled with sunshine and hugs.
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Current Location: Abergavenny
Current Mood: aggravated
Currently watching/ playing: Speed (1994)
 
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Ben
31 May 2008 @ 07:51 pm
The Benjamin Chronicles: How I became a vampire...  

Since I've left the whole blogging thing alone for a couple of days, I thought I'd finish off the month the way I started it- with a stream of nonsensical ramblings that have little or no effect to anyone's daily life.

So, as I've said- I'm a vampire now. Not the cool kind that can fly, transform into a bat or even sucks blood (I suck at a lot of things, but necks aren't one of them) . I'm now adverse to sunlight. For some reason my sleep pattern has flipped so I'm now awake all night and asleep all day. It's not good. You won't believe how much your sleeping pattern determines how quickly you think or what kind of mood you're in. Drastic action needs to be taken- horse tranquilisers have already been ordered.

Recently I've taken to powersliding across my carpet trying to beat my scores on Guitar Hero III. I can't help but get caught up in it. That's the thing. I'm essentially pressing buttons in time to music- something which chimps have been scientifically proven to be able to do. So why do I feel that I have to pull faces and poses like I'm the next Hendrix? I'm glad no-one can see how stupid I look when I'm playing.

To be perfectly honest I feel pretty alone at the moment. Leah's gone to Norfolk and is going to Warwick from there. Sian has gone to America for 3 months and Hannah is working a lot of the time. I do have more friends but none of them are in Aber. Hmm. At least on Guitar Hero I have people cheering for me. 
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Current Location: Abergavenny (again)
Current Mood: blah
Currently watching/ playing: Futurama Season 2
 
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