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Ben
15 August 2008 @ 12:40 am
TBC: Consider me to be a taser jolt to the base of your spine...  
Considering I had a bit of a hiss-e fit (geddit? It's like "hissy" and "e" as in "e-mail"...Nothing? Tough crowd...) last time, I've decided not to come crawling back, but to come marching back with renewed vigour in my heart and a bottle of whiskey in my hand.

So, what's been going on in Benland? Not much to be honest, just chilling out and keeping myself entertained. Mike came round a week or so ago to talk bollocks and watch films with me so that was cool. It's weird, when you don't see your friends for a while, you almost forget you like them- if that makes sense.Then you meet up and things are good again, like you only saw them the other day. 'Course none of this happened with Mike- five minutes in and I was scanning the room for something to hit him with (kidding).

I have noticed that MySpace and to a lesser extent, Facebook are a bit dead of late. I don't know whether that's because I haven't spent every five minutes refreshing my profile page to check for comments etc or not... So, here I am, imploring you to liven this place up. You have the power. How you ask? I dunno, but you can't go wrong with updating your blogs and commenting on mine (I'll comment back if neccessary...)

I watched "Cloverfield" again today and ended up feeling a bit sick. It was probably because of the fact that I'd had nothing to eat all day and very little to drink, rather than the erratic camera. Gave me an idea though. I shall set up "DizzyFest" in which the whole day is devoted to vomit inducing activities such as drinking heavily, spinning around and watching films that look like they've been filmed by Michael J. Fox. (i.e. The Bourne films, Cloverfield, The Blair Witch Project etc) Last one to puke wins! The prize? A bucket of the other contestants' puke...

Peace out people,

Ben "My head is spinnin'/Like a whirlpool it never ends" Browne
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Current Location: Abergavenny
Current Mood: awake
Currently watching/ playing: Cloverfield (2008)
 
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Ben
21 July 2008 @ 08:13 pm
TBC: "Things that annoy me" Part 7 bajillion  
Believe it or not, I am still a miserable bugger who likes complaining about stuff. Shocked? Then get the hell away from my blog you simpleton, lest your stupidity catch.

1) American kids- Oh yes, they're back at the top of Benjamin J's shitlist. Why? Well, I am sick to death of these spoilt brats thinking they can fuck with my day when I'm playing the Xbox. I play the Xbox to chill out. I don't need some 13 year old Yank telling me that I'm a "fag" or implying that I have bad teeth.

 This is all because it states I'm British on my profile and my accent seems to live up to their expectations of some kind of British toff. I have no idea where the teeth thing comes from so if someone could explain it to me that would be great.

I actually got told by a 12 year old (whilst playing the 18-rated Gears of War) to stop playing a kid's game and go kill myself. I snappily implied that he was only angry because he is regularly rectally fingered by a close family member and needs to vent all the sheer horror and guilt. I didn't get a reponse.

2)  British kids - They are everywhere. (Ignore the fact that I live in Great Britain, I simply wanted a sort of theme linked to the first one. You've ruined it now. Hope you're happy) I basically mean kids in general. I went to Tesco today and there was an entire army of ankle-biters. Trouble is, they aren't very good at dodging my manly knees and I had to be extra careful not to damage any of them. Take into account that I am about as graceful as a one legged giraffe and you have a recipie for disaster.

3) 'The Dark Knight' hype- I will go out on a limb and say that no-one is more excited than me about the new film. However, I am so over the hype. It's ridiculous. Everywhere I look it's Batman this, Joker that. I don't want to be sick of the film before I actually see the freakin' thing! Speaking of which I am sick of the 'Joker scrawl' idea- exemplified here. It's a great idea but it's being lazily copied for film magazines and the like. This month's SFX is a prime example of how not to do it . Maybe it's because I live and breathe films, but I hate films being near release date and then shouted about like they're new on things like BBC News. Go back in time a couple of months to when I might have cared.

Sure, number 3 is sort of shallow when compared to the first two, but in this crazy, crazy world- what isn't shallow? Sounds harsh but people seem to care more about what's happening in "D- list Celebrity Degenerate Lock-up" aka "Big Brother" than the credit crunch and knife crime. Hey, at least I'm aware of that stuff...

Peace out people,

Ben "Why so serious?" Browne

BENJY BONUS!
Here are some of the blog outtakes. Try and guess where they originally appeared...

"...but I did hear a squelching noise"
"... and that's why I am no longer welcome at any midget convention. Seriously, they have pictures of me on the wall. Of course, it is a rather small wall..."
"At least it's better than a cheap hairdryer"
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Current Location: Tesco- the Gotham City branch
Current Mood: mellow
Currently watching/ playing: Hellboy (2004)
 
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Ben
21 July 2008 @ 12:08 am
TBC: Benjamin's adventures in TVLand  
I know I moan a lot that nothing ever happens, but I had an epiphany today. After calling the doctor to make sure it wasn't serious, I concentrated on what said epiphany was telling me. "If nothing happens, make stuff happen" it boomed in a James Earl Jones voice. After pondering why my conscience seems to speak in a Darth Vader voice, I decided to ignore all that and watch some telly.

 I hardly ever watch T.V. these days. There's just too much crap on. If I really want to watch something I'll find it on the iPlayer or failing that, by some other means. So, I decided to watch a channel I've never watched and try and stick with the programs no matter how crappy. I ended up watching "Zone:Reality" who were halfway through their "Super Spooky Sunday" marathon. With some trepidation I placed the remote out of reach and set myself at the mercy of "Ghost Hunt". It wasn't that bad! I've come across shows like this before, but they tend to be unbelievably shite *ahem* Most Haunted *ahem*. It's basically a team of 3 New Zealanders visting all the haunted locations around in New Zealand and then try to you guessed it- hunt ghosts. It's fascinating and yes, I was a bit scared even though it was 1 p.m. and the sun was shining outside.

 Now, before you ask- yep, I am a big wimp. I don't believe in ghosts but something about the unknown creeps me out. Unfortunately the supernatural/paranormal world has always fascinated me and I remember renting books about "true" ghost sightings and being freaked out by the stories and photographs. Before I knew it, I had sat through 4 hours of "Ghost Hunt" and realised I should be doing something better with my life. Where does the time go when you're learning about ghostly orbs?

Peace out,

Ben "I ain't afraid of no ghosts" Browne
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Current Location: Behind the sofa
Current Mood: lazy
Currently watching/ playing: Ghost Hunt, duh!
 
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Ben
23 June 2008 @ 06:22 pm
TBC: Vagrant Jack and the Ten Commandments  
Whilst the above title would be the most AWESOME name for a band EVER, it also neatly ties in the events and thoughts from the past couple of days.

 It started yesterday evening whilst I was taking Gwen for a walk. Suddenly, I was aware of a white and brown blur shooting around the dog and around my feet. When the blur stopped, I could see that it was merely a hyperactive Jack Russell rather than some supernatural entity (as my first suspicion had been). I humoured him and kept walking along. He followed me. I looked around for an owner but none could be seen. He kept following me. After a while, I concluded that his worried owner was around somewhere and that I should try and shoo him away. It didn't work. The little bastard thought it was a game. After 20 minutes of unwittingly playing a rousing game of "Silly Buggers" I decided to just go home. Alas, as I walked homeward bound, he followed me- weaving on and off the road. I was tempted to just leave him, but my conscience made damn sure to play all sorts of horrific scenarios in my head. I hate my conscience.

 Medium length story short, I brought him home. Leah put on her "animal in distress" hat and found out the number of the dog warden. She also stayed up all night with him (who was now named "Jack"). Fair dues to her."Jack" went with the dog warden this morning. Hope he's alright. On another note, Gwen is still ignoring the both of us.

Woke up to the news that George Carlin had died. Pretty shitty start to the day as Carlin was a genius. See here and here. I've always loved his views on religion. My favourite bit of his is his "defragging" of the Ten Commandments- see here.
 
Peace out, people.
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Current Location: Abergavenny
Current Mood: weird
Currently watching/ playing: Spider-Man (2002)
 
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Ben
19 June 2008 @ 12:16 am
TBC: 'Cos this is filler/ filler night...  

I can't think of any hilarious or deeply misanthropic to say. I feel like I've failed you. Give me love?
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Current Location: Abergavenny
Current Mood: blank
Currently watching/ playing: Mission: Impossible 3 (2006)
 
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Ben
16 June 2008 @ 03:16 am
TBC: Bumper Buster Party Weekend Central Special!  
It's been busy, busy, busy this weekend. Not that I've had anything to do with it. I've mostly been in bed- I'm damn lazy. Anyways- it was Mum's birthday on Saturday and it mostly went off without a hitch. Of course- there had to be a hitch because I was involved somehow. I'm what's commonly referred to as a "liability". So how did ol' Benjamin J. manage to screw things up?

 Well, Mum arrived home after a trip to the garden centre. Her friend Donna bought her a lovely hanging basket for a birthday present (I'm sure you can see where this is going). After carefully lifting it from the car's footwell, Mum handed it to me to hang up outside. I took a few steps, lifted it up and it fell. I would love to say it was one of those slow-motion moments,where I have a heightened awareness of everything and that I leapt into the air in a vain effort to catch it.It wasn't. It happened so damn fast. Before I knew it, there was dirt and petals everywhere. I spun round just in time to see Mum's heartbroken face. (That sounds weird. Let's just say it was obvious that she was heartbroken by the look on her face). Happy birthday, Mum (!) All was forgiven though. After all, it was cleverly engineered to look like an accident because I wanted revenge a genuine accident. Still feel guilty, though.

Sunday was Father's Day. Whilst we didn't completely buy into the merchandising and shameless consumerism of it, we did have my Grandad over for a lunch-y type thing. It was nice. I normally try to avoid using the word "nice" but that's actually what it was. It was peaceful, sunny, family-orientated, lunch-type day. It's comforting to know my family aren't completely fucking nuts all the time.


Peace out.
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Current Location: Abergavenny
Current Mood: calm
Currently watching/ playing: 300 (2006)
 
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Ben
13 June 2008 @ 10:38 pm
The Benjamin Chronicles: Now with 50% more venom! (and 20% more misanthropy!)  
Yes, it's spleen venting, gut-wrenching rant time. It takes a while before these things build up and become a vitriolic entry of bile.  So be thankful/grateful/cakeful- I don't care.

Ah, much better.

Peace out people- hope your days are filled with sunshine and hugs.
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Current Location: Abergavenny
Current Mood: aggravated
Currently watching/ playing: Speed (1994)
 
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Ben
12 June 2008 @ 01:28 am
TBC: When inspiration runneth dry, turn to the Lord.  
Well, in a manner of speaking.

Since my daily life continues to be long stretches of nothing glued together with smaller bits o' nothing, I am finding it challenging to keep up this blog.


Yours in Christ.
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Current Location: Some hot place where guys in red pajamas are poking me.
Current Mood: content
Currently watching/ playing: Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007)
 
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Ben
09 June 2008 @ 11:18 pm
TBC: Mainichi Issho!  

I have realised that I use the word "bored" and all its variations too much. This whole Abergavenny thing isn't "boring" per se, it's just there is a lack of things to do. As we know, a lack of things to do is a great conduit to two things:

1) Creativity
2) Acting like an assclown

I have never experienced the former before, someone should tell me what it's like.

For some reason, I set up a Japanese account on the PlayStation 3. Basically, this means that I get all the free stuff the Japanese people get. Unfortunately, I don't know any Japanese, so it's basically pot luck what I download from there.

The other day I downloaded the strangest thing ever. It's a sort of game with talking cats like this one. He has a black cat friend and they talk to each other in Japanese. Luckily, it is subtitled. Unluckily, it is subtitled in Japanese.

After some research (i.e. typing "PS3 Cat game" into Google) I found out that this game was called "Mainichi Issho!" or "Everyday Together!" It's like a Tamagotchi/blogging type thing in which you play Rock, Paper, Scissors and guess how much money is shown whilst hitting the other cat with a rolled up newspaper and using some sort of floral dish as a shield. You couldn't make this stuff up.

So why am I telling you about this? Well, I'm oddly fascinated with it. I have no idea what I'm doing on it half the time, but I feel like an archaeologist deciphering an ancient language. Honestly, it's becoming an addiction. I'm still trying to figure out the point of the news bulletins as well as a number of other baffling things. Wish me luck.

In the real world, I ache like an old man's knees on a Winter's day. It's all thanks to putting together and eventually jumping on a trampoline at Hannah's house. I have come to the conclusion that I am allergic to exercise. However, I am allergic to fatty foods too- I swell up like a balloon and my mobility becomes impeded somewhat. I can't win. Is it any wonder I prefer the virtual world sometimes?

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Current Location: Abergavenny
Current Mood: bored
Currently watching/ playing: Ratatouille (2007)
 
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Ben
09 June 2008 @ 05:20 pm
TBC: A couple of things...  
1) Like a snivelling spouse crawling back to their abusive partner, I'm posting my blog on MySpace again. So, I have one leg here and one leg there. Technically this leaves my groin open for a kicking, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

2) Do you have any ideas for spicing up my blog at all? Honestly, I can't just keep talking about the mundane shite that happens to me- it's boring to live, let alone to read. Believe me, if anything interesting happens to me you people will be the first to know. So questions, comments and other stuff are helpful as they give me inspiration. Christ, even the steady flow of spam e-mail I get has slowed down to a trickle these days, so no [info]essayel style, witty spam replying.
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Current Location: Abergavenny
Current Mood: happy
Currently watching/ playing: A spider crawling up my wall.
 
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Ben
05 June 2008 @ 05:55 pm
Writer's Block: Cereal: By the People, For the People  

If you made up your own cereal, what would it consist of, and what would you call it?


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I would call them Cardi-Os and they would consist of:
chocolate covered marshmallow hearts,
cookie chunks,
bacon bits (actual bacon),
lard frosting
and a packet of chemicals in every box that turn the milk the same flavour and consistency of fudge.
 The back of the box would offer life insurance and an ongoing competition in which the consumer is challenged to each the cereal for every meal for a week. If the participant survives, they win! The prize would be a fortnight's supply of the cereal.
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Current Location: Abergavenny aka The Town of the Damned
Currently watching/ playing: Saawariya (2007)
 
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Ben
04 June 2008 @ 01:29 am
TBC: "White Chicks", double clicks and some other nonsense  
Haven't posted for a couple of days,so I thought I'd check in.

As you know, I like films. I like them in the way Michael Jackson likes children. I would honestly throw films down on my bed and make passionate love to them if possible. I have a problem, I know.

My point being is that my love of films sometimes gets in the way of my people skills. Take my highly volatile sister, Leah for example. She recently told me one of her favourite films is the abomination White Chicks. She might as well have told me she's an S&M lovin' lesbian, because I still can't look her in the eye. If you want a sample of the pure, unfunny, evil that is White Chicks you can find the trailer here (if you do watch it, think two things to yourself. One, these are the best jokes in the film?! Two, what would be the scale of the outcry if the roles were reversed and the film was called Black Chicks ?)

Double clicks? Nothing really, just wanted something non-genital related to rhyme with 'White Chicks'. I do like the sound though : )

Also I'd like to inform people of something you may see me doing regularly. It's called "Get's" (actual name- don't blame me on the apostrophe placement) This clip explains it well. Yes, it's a years old Japanese craze, but hey- just pass it off as kookiness and move on...

Shine on, you crazy diamonds...
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Current Location: Hill Valley (Hmm...burny)
Current Mood: cheerful
Currently watching/ playing: Anything but White Chicks
 
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Ben
31 May 2008 @ 07:51 pm
The Benjamin Chronicles: How I became a vampire...  

Since I've left the whole blogging thing alone for a couple of days, I thought I'd finish off the month the way I started it- with a stream of nonsensical ramblings that have little or no effect to anyone's daily life.

So, as I've said- I'm a vampire now. Not the cool kind that can fly, transform into a bat or even sucks blood (I suck at a lot of things, but necks aren't one of them) . I'm now adverse to sunlight. For some reason my sleep pattern has flipped so I'm now awake all night and asleep all day. It's not good. You won't believe how much your sleeping pattern determines how quickly you think or what kind of mood you're in. Drastic action needs to be taken- horse tranquilisers have already been ordered.

Recently I've taken to powersliding across my carpet trying to beat my scores on Guitar Hero III. I can't help but get caught up in it. That's the thing. I'm essentially pressing buttons in time to music- something which chimps have been scientifically proven to be able to do. So why do I feel that I have to pull faces and poses like I'm the next Hendrix? I'm glad no-one can see how stupid I look when I'm playing.

To be perfectly honest I feel pretty alone at the moment. Leah's gone to Norfolk and is going to Warwick from there. Sian has gone to America for 3 months and Hannah is working a lot of the time. I do have more friends but none of them are in Aber. Hmm. At least on Guitar Hero I have people cheering for me. 
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Current Location: Abergavenny (again)
Current Mood: blah
Currently watching/ playing: Futurama Season 2
 
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Ben
28 May 2008 @ 12:02 am
TBC: Benjamin Browne and the Slight Disappointment  
I was unexpectedly whisked off to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull today. I forgot how nice the Treforest cinema is. I got embarrassingly excited when I saw this poster for The Dark Knight in the foyer. When I say 'embarrassingly', I don't mean me- realising that I'm 21 and squealing at a picture, I mean my family hanging their heads in shame. They put up with a lot.

So, the film. Well, I'm not going to spoil it but I found it disappointing. There were some great bits, but it soon dissolved into an over-complicated mess. I don't hate it- I was thoroughly entertained throughout. I can breathe a sigh of relief that it isn't the Phantom Menace I was dreading. Phew!

As we exited the cinema, I saw a small boy playing with this and I realised that was what it's all about. The kids enjoying it, not the soulless merchandising. Although...

Peace out, people
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Current Location: The Nevada Desert
Current Mood: happy
Currently watching/ playing: Bad Boys II (2003)
 
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Ben
25 May 2008 @ 03:51 pm
The Benjamin Chronicles: What's in a day?  
I am exceptionally bored. However, I feel like I should post.

So that's it, I'd be honoured if you'd answer my stupid survey as I slaved over it for about 5 minutes.

A happy Towel Day to all!

Peace.
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Current Location: The leather chair in fron of my P.C.
Current Mood: bored
Currently watching/ playing: The Mummy (1999)
 
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Ben
24 May 2008 @ 09:29 pm
The Benjamin Chronicles: Benjamin VS. The YouTubers  

It's a well-established fact that if you want to trawl the Internet for stupidity, you need look no further than the YouTube video comments.

As some of you may remember, I put some vlogs on YouTube a while ago. Nothing fancy, but just my way of talking to you people whilst my keyboard was broken. Months have passed since then and some comments have started to appear. Imagine my joy.

I mentioned 'draiman4life' in my last proper entry, but it seems a new YouTuber wants a pop at your ol' pal Ben.

His name is the oh-so-cool 'dominator7593' and you can just tell that '7/5/1993' is his birthdate.

So what has the 'dominator' done to piss me off?

Well, let's analyse his first comment:

"ew british people....AND WOW! that was boring....and ur a little girl for crying, get over it haha, get some friends to sit by then the old guy wont come over....this honestly wasnt funny at all"

"Ew british people"? Fantastic, some little Yank shit has decided to try and transatlantically fuck with my day.

Yes, fair enough- it was boring, but that was sort of the point- most things I do are steeped in irony or stupid. Either way, he missed the point.

The "crying" comment had me perplexed. I watched the video back and found it to be the "I wish I could quit you"/Brokeback Mountain style thing. I know I'm not that brilliant at acting. Did he honestly think I was crying?

Anyway. Onto the second comment (I briefly mentioned being depressed and it being like someone "fucking with the wiring of your brain")

"yea we all know....we go through it, we dont need some 13 yr old kid telling us...i'll sum this up, if u end of killing urself ur an idiot, if u get through it good for u celebrate and move on ur a better person...WOO! i rly dont like this kid haha...like really"

I think you already know what I'm going to pick up on.

"13 yr old kid"?!  Right, I know I look young, but not that young. (I checked his profile- he's 17- I was walkin' and talkin' before he was an itch in the postman's pants) Fuck him.

I suppose the point about depression is true to a certain extent. But I'll be damned if I take advice from a person who uses 'u'. 'urself' and 'ur'. He should learn hisself some edumacation.

"i rly dont like this kid"

God, I hope he dies from brutal sodomy.


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Current Location: YouTube
Current Mood: annoyed
Currently watching/ playing: American Dad Season 1
 
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Ben
23 May 2008 @ 04:24 pm
Writer's Block: Bit of the Ol' Buyer's Remorse  

What product have you felt guiltiest, or silliest, for buying?


View 500 Answers

I definitely felt silly buying a 'Darth Tater' Mr. Potato Head (one of these). I even said the classic "It's not for me!" line but I think my Return of the Jedi  T-shirt gave it away.

As for feeling guilty, probably when I bought my PlayStation 3. It's not as if I needed one really as I already had an Xbox 360. Plus, I should have given my unused loan money to Mum. I suffered instant buyer's remorse. However, it faded somewhat when I saw Casino Royale on Blu-ray. I still feel like a jerk though.
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Current Location: Abergavenny
Current Mood: thoughtful
Currently watching/ playing: Casino Royale (2006)
 
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Ben
19 May 2008 @ 06:06 pm
(no subject)  
Since nothing has happened to me recently ( I know I always say this, but making something out of nothing is nigh-on impossible when you've done it so many times before. My last entry was about eyelids, for Chrissakes...) I thought I'd rely on the ol' list format to fill in the electronic blank pages.
So that's it people. Input, comments and/or hatemail would be appreciated (except from draiman4life- you sir, are a bastard)

Peace out.
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Current Location: Abergavenny
Current Mood: bored
Currently watching/ playing: I Am Legend (2007)
 
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Ben
17 May 2008 @ 12:00 am
The Benjamin Chronicles: Nictitating membranes and the like  
For those not in the know/ can't be bothered to check Wikipedia- the nictitating membrane is basically the 'third eyelid' that some animals such as cats and dogs have. I'll be honest now, it freaks me out a little. Not enough to send me running for the hills, but enough to be slightly wary. I don't know what it is.

It turns out that Obi, our cat is unwell and as a result he has visible third eyelids. He looks like an alien. In fact, the whole 'third eyelid' thing reminds me of a scene at the beginning of Men In Black where an alien blinks his third eyelids:

"He blinked one set, then a completely different set, sir"

The dog also has them. but they're only visible when she's asleep and you shout or something and she wakes up with a start. It's a fun game until you feel too guilty about it and have to stop.

Oh, I thought I'd inform you guys that this blog entry has been nominated for 'Best Nictitating Membrane Analysis in a Personal Blog' at the annual 'Liddy' awards. Fingers crossed, eh?


Peace out.
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Current Location: Abergavenny
Current Mood: okay
Currently watching/ playing: Hellboy (2004)
 
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Ben
15 May 2008 @ 11:07 pm
The Benjamin Chronicles: Rubber ducks and introspection  
Hey all, sorry I haven't updated in a while. I'd say I've been busy but that would be a damnable lie. I don't know why I haven't. Maybe it's your fault.

Anyways, I haven't been up to much as usual. I'm applying for jobs around Abergavenny just to give me something to do. Sitting around watching films and playing video games isn't as fun as one would think.

I've become addicted to a game on the PlayStation called "Super Rub-A-Dub". It's basically a motion control game where you use the controller to tilt a tray of water in order to get the mother rubber duck to rescue her ducklings. Not usually my kind of game (my kind of games tend to be grand and about auto theft) but oddly entertaining nonetheless.

Then I had a moment of horrible self realisation- I do tend to get these from time to time. There I was, a fat 21 year old guy stuck inside playing a kids' game about rubber ducks. Ouch.

Without being specific I got some news that made me realise that I cared about a person a lot more than I thought. Unfortunately, this realisation comes at rather a late stage so not much can be done about it.

Why is my brain always the last to know things?
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Current Location: Abergavenny
Current Mood: melancholy
Currently watching/ playing: The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
 
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