Alright people? Sorry I keep neglecting my blog, it's tough to think of things to write other than "went to Uni, got home, chatted to people, went to sleep" .

However, I have had a fucking frustrating week and will now vent on this blog.

Firstly,
I found out I'd been going to the wrong lectures for two weeks. I was told this in a casual aside, rather than in an official and respectful manner. What annoys me is that it isn't my fault- I was marked down on the list for "Popular Culture" and not on "Introduction to Journalism" so what was I meant to think? University bastards.

Secondly,
my Xbox died. This may not sound like a big deal, but think of your way to de-stress and unwind not being available to you anymore and come back to me. Luckily, I can get it fixed for free. Double luckily, I still have my PS3.

Thirdly,
my PS3 died. I wish I was making this up. Turns out having a clumsy mate drop it on the floor isn't good for it and it now stubbornly refuses to work. So, now I've lost my gaming and my film watching.

The phrase "fuckshitbuggerlycuntingbollocks!" made popular in "Mary Poppins" (1964) doesn't even begin to cover it.

Ever had one of those infuriating weeks? Tell me and we'll cry together.

Ah, Hallowe'en (Yes, that is the correct way to write it you heathens). Never has a "holiday" done so little to become so big. I swear, 5 years ago no-one gave a flying, ghostly fuck about the king of non-holidays- but now it's everywhere. I've never really cared about it to be honest, what with me not being Pagan at all. It's just merely another horrible way The Man gets his hands on your hard-earned dosh. The added kick in the teeth is you pay good money to look like an absolute tit.

So, I'm not a fan of All Hallows Eve in general. Another thing I'm not a fan of in general is the public. I refer specifically to the whole Ross/Brand/Sachs phone thing- if you're not familiar with what I'm talking about I suggest you click here and discover it for yourself. I'll wait...


Nearly done?



No?




Hurry up...



You with me now? Good. Anyway- has there ever been such a non-story blown out of all proportion? What I love about the whole thing is how the number of complaints shoot up. People were literally seeking out the transcript/Youtube video just to get offended and complain. Do people have nothing better to do with their time? I fucking hate the press in this country- there is nothing good about them anymore. They are a bunch of money-grabbing, sensationalist, privacy invading cunts.

Whilst I'm not in favour of what Brand and Ross did, it's a complete overreaction. Once they apologised and Sachs accepted it, that should have been it. I realise that some of the furore is over the fact that the show was a pre-record and it was still allowed on the air. My point is that I have now lost one of my favourite radio shows thanks to the stupid bastards who decided to jump on the "I'm offended and have no will of my own" bandwagon. Hopefully, said bandwagon catches fire and falls into a fiery fire with added fire. Grr.

With the spleen ventilation completed, I am free to talk about happier things. "Quantum of Solace" is out today and I couldn't be more excited! Now is a good time to be a Bond fan as most of the damage "Die Another Day" did (check out the alliteration!) has been erased thanks to "Casino Royale". If "Quantum of Solace" is half as good as I hope it is, I will be sitting through the screening with a massive erection.


I'll let you know my thoughts on the film on my film site - here

Peace out people,

Ben "Would turn gay for Daniel Craig" Browne

Believe it or not, I am still a miserable bugger who likes complaining about stuff. Shocked? Then get the hell away from my blog you simpleton, lest your stupidity catch.

1) American kids- Oh yes, they're back at the top of Benjamin J's shitlist. Why? Well, I am sick to death of these spoilt brats thinking they can fuck with my day when I'm playing the Xbox. I play the Xbox to chill out. I don't need some 13 year old Yank telling me that I'm a "fag" or implying that I have bad teeth.

 This is all because it states I'm British on my profile and my accent seems to live up to their expectations of some kind of British toff. I have no idea where the teeth thing comes from so if someone could explain it to me that would be great.

I actually got told by a 12 year old (whilst playing the 18-rated Gears of War) to stop playing a kid's game and go kill myself. I snappily implied that he was only angry because he is regularly rectally fingered by a close family member and needs to vent all the sheer horror and guilt. I didn't get a reponse.

2)  British kids - They are everywhere. (Ignore the fact that I live in Great Britain, I simply wanted a sort of theme linked to the first one. You've ruined it now. Hope you're happy) I basically mean kids in general. I went to Tesco today and there was an entire army of ankle-biters. Trouble is, they aren't very good at dodging my manly knees and I had to be extra careful not to damage any of them. Take into account that I am about as graceful as a one legged giraffe and you have a recipie for disaster.

3) 'The Dark Knight' hype- I will go out on a limb and say that no-one is more excited than me about the new film. However, I am so over the hype. It's ridiculous. Everywhere I look it's Batman this, Joker that. I don't want to be sick of the film before I actually see the freakin' thing! Speaking of which I am sick of the 'Joker scrawl' idea- exemplified here. It's a great idea but it's being lazily copied for film magazines and the like. This month's SFX is a prime example of how not to do it . Maybe it's because I live and breathe films, but I hate films being near release date and then shouted about like they're new on things like BBC News. Go back in time a couple of months to when I might have cared.

Sure, number 3 is sort of shallow when compared to the first two, but in this crazy, crazy world- what isn't shallow? Sounds harsh but people seem to care more about what's happening in "D- list Celebrity Degenerate Lock-up" aka "Big Brother" than the credit crunch and knife crime. Hey, at least I'm aware of that stuff...

Peace out people,

Ben "Why so serious?" Browne

BENJY BONUS!
Here are some of the blog outtakes. Try and guess where they originally appeared...

"...but I did hear a squelching noise"
"... and that's why I am no longer welcome at any midget convention. Seriously, they have pictures of me on the wall. Of course, it is a rather small wall..."
"At least it's better than a cheap hairdryer"

White Chicks by far. It's like everything I don't find funny wrapped in a convenient, hate-worthy package. Seriously, if I've had a bad day I rate it from 1 to White Chicks. However, it's never been as bad as that. Thank God.